Thoughts

So many different emotions going through my brain and heart these days. I don';t even know where to begin. Well I guess beginning with thanksgiving is always a good place to start. 

-I'm thankful for God who works good even when we only see the crazy back side of the tapestry. 

-I'm thankful for Jesus who has already done it all The work is finished. 

-I'm thankful for my wonderful husband and children. 

-I'm thankful for supportive friends and family. 

-I'm thankful for new friendships which bring life and joy 

-I'm thankful for church regathering and fasts from social media

-I'm thankful for nice bike rides, for referrals to figure out my health, for good soccer games

-I'm thankful for good message about resting in Christ and drawing from His well of living water 

-I'm thankful for the opportunity to add to history in a positive way

-I'm thankful the technology can be used to advance the gospel 

Lord, I lift up to you racial restoration- I give it to you. Its not my burden to carry. I can only do my part. I pray for wisdom in my words, in when to interact, when to listen, when to be still

Please change the hearts of people who are not following You. Bring peace to our nation. Help me know what parts of my/ our story so share and with whom.

Please help me to not judge others but to know that judgment belongs to you. 

If you say you are not prejudiced, but would be upset if your family dated someone with different skin color, you might have a blind spot. 

If you say you have a heart for unity for all races, but have not invited anyone of a different ethnic group to meet with you outside of school, church, work, ..., you might have a blind spot. 

I'm so thankful for a day of no social media and listening to I'm Tired Inside. Jesus sat down by the Well. 

I wish that my grandparent's generation had not chosen to honor men who fought against our country and against the ideals that our founding Fathers included in the Declaration of Independence. I think many things in our country could be better now if past generations had been intentional and fully reconciled past wrongs. But, we are here "for such a time as this..." We can choose to right wrongs, "to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God."  Now is the time to make a difference. Even though we made mistakes in past generations we can improve now. As Maya Angelou said "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." Now is the time to do better! 

I am excited that we can be part of the generation that works to further racial reconciliation. One of the ways we can do that is by honoring real heroes for our country. We should not memorialize or honor people who fought against our country and who fought to keep millions of people enslaved. It's time to begin new traditions. Many amazing men and women have valiantly supported and defended the Constitution. Let's use this moment in time as a turning point. Stop memorializing men who fought against our country with statues and monuments which only serve as a tragic reminder of one of our low points a s a country. We will continue to learn the history of this country through books and museums and honor our brave soldiers by renaming bases, buildings, ... after real heroes! 

Memories

first recollection of race- at Madison Middle school during PE class a girl angrily said to me your great-grandparents made my great-grandparents slaves. I got angry back and didn't understand what that had to do with me and why she was still concerned about her what happened to her great grandparents. Now, that I'm older I think how horrified I would be to know that my grandparents were treated like "someone else's property" and horribly treated. If I could go back to that moment by the lockers, I would have looked her in the eyes and said I am so sorry that happened. I can't undo it, but can we still be friends. 

I remember as a kid seeing an ad for Miss Black Madison County and again I was horrified because I thought that wasn't right. Why would black girls have a separate competition that only they were allowed to compete in? I wish I'd known the history behind the competitions. I think lots of us grew up thinking that racism was something from long ago. I definitely didn't know that until 1968 the Miss America rules states that black women were not allowed to compete. That was only six years before I was born!  This racism that used to seem ancient history suddenly doesn't seem so old.

I remember hearing kids my age in middle/ high school make horrible comments about what holiday should be celebrated in January (i.e. celebrate the murderer not the man speaking up for equality). Those are not things that should be joked about by anyone. But I'm sure no one would have admitted being prejudiced or racist. 

I remember hearing talk around town about a black family possibly moving into a "white" neighborhood. The neighbors were talking together to decide whether to pool their money to pay for the house. I don't remember who talked about it or what year but how sad it is to think you'd rather purchase a house for it to sit empty than have a black family move into the neighborhood. Can you be Christian and do that?

I remember going to my grandfather's funeral and hearing my grandmother talking with her friends about the black associate pastor who did the funeral "He's so nice that every once in a while you forget he's colored."  February 1996

James and I got to Fort Bragg 2000. We were two captains (with no kids) looking to buy a new SUV. We went to a lot on town and were walking around looking for about 2 minutes when an employee approached us. We politely said "we're just looking." He said "you're not allowed to walk on the lot unless you walk with an employee." We looked around at the 6-7 other people/ couples who seemed to be just fine walking by themselves and decided that we would take our business somewhere else.  I always wanted to drive back in our new SUV from the other lot and say "Big mistake." But I didn't. Do you know what was different between James and I and the other people who could walk on the lot without an attendee?